angels are mathematical
angels are bestial
man is the animal
sarah and i watched “the cabinet of dr. caligari” last night, and i’ve been watching through COIL’s “Colour Sound Oblivion” box set for the last three hours, if that gives you an idea of where my brain is, right now…
kiss me, kiss me, kiss me
your tongue’s like poison, so swollen it fills up my mouth
get it out, get it out, get it out
get your fucking voice out of my head
i still have dreams about my ex fairly regularly. they are usually very unpleasant, and often turn violent.
i feel that, in my conscious life, i have attained closure with my past in regards to her, but my subconscious/unconscious mind has yet to let go of everything she did to me.
i find that, if i let it, my mind wanders to places i’d rather not visit.
the sound of metal, i want to be you
i could learn to be a man, like you
for GDSP #18, an attempt to display my inner child.
my inner child is a mess. always striving to impress others, desperate to be someone else; especially desperate to break out of this skin. my inner child is the part of me that kept me depressed for 15 years of my life. my inner child is the part of me that has destroyed so many things that i’ve held dear. my inner child is an awful, awful being.
when sarah and i moved back in the spring, i had pre-packed most of my books and taken them to my parents’ house so that we wouldn’t have even more heavy boxes to deal with on moving day. i still haven’t brought them here, so i currently have a very limited number of books at our place. one of them is “Trash And Vaudeville” by J. Scott Grand, which he was kind enough to have sent me for free.
i have always found the act of sharing books, whether through lending, gifting, or group reading, to be very important. it’s the passing on of knowledge, and it’s one of the things that keeps us all connected to each another.
reading makes me feel powerful in so many ways.
and so, i present to you, my picture for Naked Reading Day.
we can all be free
since september 23rd, 2004, i have woken up every morning with no fear of death.
two days earlier, i had attempted suicide and nearly succeeded. the morning of the 23rd, i decided to live; as a side effect of that decision, i found that i was no longer afraid to die.
i am still afraid to be horribly mangled in some kind of accident, or rendered immobile, but i do not fear the end of my life.
i wake up every morning, completely at peace with the fact that i will die; whether it’s today, or in fifty years.
i wake up every morning and continue living.
and that is why i’m invincible.